Ever heard that kids don't come with an owner's manual? I have, and the thought scares me to death! I learned so much in my family relations class this week about parenting. My professor used the works of Michael Popkins, founder of Active Parenting, for the content of our class. I loved it! My eyes were definitely opened to new ideas and concepts. Popkin's philosophy is this: teach character, not behaviour. In other words, if you meet a child's needs, the behaviour should take care of itself. Often times behaviours are reactions to an unmeant need. Cool eh? Make sense.
Needs that children have: Behaviour when need isn't met: Parent's approach:
- contact and belonging - undue attention seeking - show affection, allow to contribute
- power - rebellion - choices & consequences
- protection - revenge - allow child to be assertive
Contact and Belonging: I am not one for physical touch. I have a big bubble labeled "personal space." I'll have to get over this before I have children. Popkins teaches that children need to feel that they are accepted and loved. One of the ways parents can meet this need is to express love to their children, specifically through physical touch. A simple hug, or high five will do. Popkins also teaches that we need to allow children to contribute, such as putting the dishes away, taking the garbage out, or cleaning up toys. By doing this, a child will feel like they belong. My professor gave an example that I found insightful. He said that when he would place foster kids in homes, he would counsel the parents to allow the children to contribute through simple tasks. This would help the child feel needed and accepted.
Power: I was a little confused by this at first. Power doesn't always mean "over someone," but also the ability to feel in control of ones life. Popkins teaches that we need to allow children to make choices, and accept the consequences associated with the choice. If we take time to explain choices to our children, and relate the consequences for each choice, children will feel the need to be in control of their life.
Protection: I really liked learning about this one! Children need to feel that their opinions matter. We all yearn to freely express what we think. We want the protection that others wont belittle are ideas and thoughts. Popkins teaches that we need to allow are children to be assertive. Allowing children to state what they feel, increases their confidence. Sometimes it can be hard for a parent, this is where patience comes in.
Though I am not a parent, I have been around children enough to know they can cause major frustration. (I can't imagine how frustrating I was to my parents!) I know it's easier to raise your voice when your frustrated with a child then to think of a quality response. I believe this is so because it is much easier to be a natural man or woman, then it is to practice the Christ-like attribute of patience. I have been thinking of what I can do now to apply these principles in my life. I keep coming back to the attribute of patience. I want to work on this now so that when I have my family of creation I wont be a "natural parent," but a parent like God himself. My professor shared the thought that God is parenting us. I feel it is wise to ponder on how He sees fit to parent His children.
I will be parenting children who will be part of the second coming of Christ, thus it is invaluable that I seek God's will in the raising of them.
"The best manual for parenting is the Book of Mormon." (Brother Williams)
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