Last Thursday was a long day. I had class, spent all afternoon/early evening in the library, then dinner, and a meeting. It snowed most of the day, and it was cold. I got home from campus a little before nine. I'm going to have a Dr. Pepper and watch Fox News I thought to myself. Yes, that's what I'll do. So I grabbed a Dr. Pepper from under my bed and watched the O'Rielly Factor. As I was watching the news I had the thought come to me my dad would be proud me. You see, growing up it was routine in my house that every night at nine dad would sit in front of the tv, usually with a cold Dr. Pepper, and watch fox news, specifically the O'Rielly Factor. Occasionally my sister and I would join him. Fast forward a few years and there I was sitting in my college apartment doing the exact same thing. At that moment I had an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my father. In that moment I was grateful for what he has taught me.
This past week I've been researching the works of Linda Nielsen. I have learned a ton and wanted to share it with y'all.
The relationship quality a father has with his daughter influences her in countless ways. I studied five developmental areas that are affected by such relationships. These include cognitive, academic/vocational, individuation, social, and sexual activity.
Cognitive: Whether he is aware of it or not, a father has a profound impact on the cognitive development of his daughter. According to Nielsen, a father influences his daughter’s cognitive skills in early toddlerhood (72). A father’s parenting style commonly encourages a child to take “calculated risks and to be adventuresome,” thus enhancing a child’s cognitive development (Nielsen 72). Fathers, more so than mothers, engage their children in play that is intellectually stimulating and physically demanding. Neilsen writes that a father affects their daughter’s intellectual confidence through encouraging endeavor excitement (73). Nielsen describes this as “the pleasure the young daughter experiences when she is independently exploring her world and mastering new skills” (73). When a father encourages autonomy early in his daughter’s life, he is preparing her to take initiative and responsibilities in her future opportunities.
Academic/Vocational: A father has a substantial impact on a daughters academic and vocational pursuits. Because a father encourages endeavor excitement in toddlerhood, daughters tend to “feel comfortable being competitive, asserting themselves, taking credit for their own success, and being ambitious and self-reliant” all of which positively impact a daughters academic and vocational achievement (Nielsen 74). Nielsen writes that a healthy father – daughter relationship in teen years is a greater predictor in future academic success than a healthy mother – relationship (74). Interestingly noted, Perkins asserts that daughters who have involved fathers tend to do better academically in college rather than those with protective or negligent fathers (qut. in Neilsen 74).
Individuation: Along with cognitive development, and academic/vocational success, fathers have a role in the individuation (“process of separating enough from both parents to form an autonomous, strong identity of one’s own”) of their daughter (Nielsen 78). Nielsen encourages fathers to create conversations with their daughters that encourage individuation by “allowing her to disagree with him and by encouraging her autonomy.” (79). Nielsen explains this will develop a daughter’s independency, and self-direction, thus creating a well-balanced life (78). The daughter is thus able to be successful in her personal and professional life, knowing she has her father’s support, without the need of constant approval. Nielsen warns that fathers who make their daughters feel loved based upon achievements, or insist their daughters hold similar opinions will become anxious, insecure, and vulnerable (79-80). She “constantly feels the need to prove herself and to have her decisions validated by her father – or by other men in positions of power like her boss” (Neilsen 80).
Social: A father also has influence on a daughter’s social development. Nielsen refers to social development as “the ability to make friends, communicate well and resolve differences with others, and not being overly dependent on others for approval and self worth” (86). According to Kosterman, elementary school age girls who have a good relationship with their fathers tend to be well behaved in class and association with peers, Mori mentions that high school and college age girls with nurturing fathers are more self-confident than girls with emotionally distant or absent fathers (qtd. in Neilsen 86). A daughter who has a secure, loving relationship with her father is “most likely to create emotionally intimate, fulfilling relationships with other men in her life” (Neilsen 87). Daughters with nurturing dads learn how to communicate honestly and openly, resolve conflicts, “feel comfortable disagreeing and expressing her own needs, and express anger and disappointment in appropriate ways,” she is also able to be herself in intimate relationships with men (Neilsen 87). Danes, Freman, and Kitzmann report that fathers generally have more of an impact on the quality of their daughter’s romantic relationships than the mother (qut. in Neilsen 87).
Sexual Relationships: While the “birds and bees” conversation is awkward and uncomfortable for most fathers, countless research reports that fathers who have such conversations with their daughters are more likely to have healthy sexual relationships (Neilsen 89). Research by Katz states that college age daughters “whose fathers have been involved and responsive are more assertive and more self-confident about refusing to have sex” (qtd. in Neilsen 89).
A father is perhaps the greatest influence a young woman can have. Fathers play a crucial role in the cognitive, academic/vocational, individuation, social, and sexual development of their daughters. In researching this paper I have found that fatherhood is not only created in the birth of a child, but in the raising of that child.
The best first date.
Works cited:
Nielsen, Linda. Textbooks in Family Studies : Father-Daughter Relationships :
Contemporary Research and Issues. London, GBR: Routledge, 2012. ProQuest ebrary. Web. 25 November 2015.
