Clarifying Kate

When I think of my own experience of dating this picture quickly comes to mind.

:) it makes me chuckle every time. If you've gathered that my dating experience has been limitless to non existent you'd be spot on. Imagine my interest when I learned that the discussions in my family relations class this week would be on dating and preparing for marriage. Growing up in a family oriented church, I've participated in countless lessons and discussions about dating. Don't date before you are 16, write a list of qualities you want in those you date, go on group dates, the list could go on. I am grateful for all of the lessons I have had on the subject, they have helped me see the importance of who I date and when I date, however today I learned an aspect of dating that I hadn't thought much of before. The quality of the date. 

A typical date should consist of three factors:

planned for

paid for

paired off 

 What about these factors determines the quality of a date? The purpose of dating is to get to know different individuals, have fun, and to eventually find a spouse. If this is the purpose of dating, then the quality of the dates should help decide the quality of the marriage. If this is so then these P factors have a very significant meaning.

In the Family Proclamation we learn the roles of being a husband and wife. "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families."

Did you notice the 3 Ps in that statement?

preside

provide

protect

At the end of class on Tuesday my professor asked the class to ponder on all six Ps together. I had never heard such a connection before, it intrigued me! I must say I pondered on it a lot. We discussed it further in class today. We came up with this correlation. 

planned for - preside

paid for - provide

paired off - protect

Does that blow your mind like it did mine? Now go back and look at list with the word quality in mind. Is your mind blown again? I know mine was! Many people think this way of dating is old fashioned, but after pondering it, I know that it's inspired! 

Planned for - Preside: One of my biggest fears in my family of creation is that my husband will not preside over our home and family. I have often pondered on what I could look for in a guy while dating that would help me know that he would righteously preside over our family. When a guy plans out a date does it not demonstrate similar characteristics to presiding over a family. To plan a good date the guy would have to know what is important to the girl. Does she like the outdoors, what's her favorite movie, etc. To preside effectively over a family the husband needs to know what is important to his wife. Does she value family prayer, scripture study, etc. To plan an effective date he'd have to plan ahead, and take initiative. Does a presider not take the initiative in a home?  

Paid for - Provide: I think this one speaks for itself. If a guy can't willingly pay for the date, how can you expect him to willingly work to provide for you and your children. I also think it's important to note the expense of the date. It doesn't have to break the bank to have fun, just as in providing for a family, you don't have to have everything to be happy. All you need is each other.

Paired off - Protect: I really liked our class discussion on this topic. If you're watching a movie that is inappropriate and he does not turn it off, how can you expect him to turn it off when he's by himself? Does he protect you? Does he protect himself in honor of you? 

I am really fascinated by the correlation between these three factors. To me they are huge in intentionally preparing for a family of creation. Many would say that this is outdated, and that dating is to have fun. I agree, dating is fun, but if I can't take dating seriously, how can I take marriage seriously? If there is anything I've learned over the course of my short 21 years of life it's that your circumstances don't change who you are. If you want something to change, you yourself have to change, not your circumstances. 

Now I've realized that I just spent a great deal talking about the man's responsibility in dating, I don't want to forget the important responsibility that I have. In the Family Proclamation it states that "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." Nurture is defined as: the process of caring for and encouraging the growth or development of someone or something. This is my responsibility when dating. I think its a beautiful thing to nurture someone; to build them up and help them achieve their goals. When dating it's important that I show appreciation to the guy for his efforts in creating a quality date. I want to get to know him, what he values, fears, and desires, and then do my best to help him live his values, overcome his fears, and accomplish his goals. Is this not what a successful marriage is all about? Helping each other improve and grow? When I think of a nurturing woman I think of Proverbs 31:10-31. This has always been my goal as a wife and mother. Should I not be this woman now? If I'm not this way now, I wont be when I'm a wife and mother.

I am so grateful for the things I learned in my family relations class this week. Every week I learn how I can intentionally prepare for my family of creation. It's very very important to me. I know that strong families are needed in today's world. It is my hope that my experiences now will help me be a faithful wife and mother and create a righteous family with a husband who presides, provides, and protects.