Attending World Congress of Families 9

 Yesterday I had the opportunity to attended the World Congress of Families in Salt Lake City. I was blessed to go with my twin who attends BYU. It was a life changing experience! I LOVED it!!! When we were driving home from the conference my sister asked what I was thinking. My reply was, "what I've learned today has changed everything, I cannot live my life the same after this experience." 

We were able to listen to several speakers speak on issues regarding the current state of the family. I loved hearing educators speak on their ideas of overcoming the present challenges of the family. Many I had never thought of before. Over 65 countries were represented at the conference. It was encouraging to see people from all over the world come together to stand for the family. 

My sister and I were so excited. We were running on adrenaline the entire day! The conference was held at the Grand American Hotel. 

The bathroom was bigger than my apartment. The paper towels were like little wash clothes. The hotel had 24 levels. You can bet we rode the elevator to level 24 and went exploring. 

Highlights of the Conference: 

- The family is ordained of God, just as the sacrament is administered, and a baptism is performed etc. We don't go to the government to know how they work, we go to God. This is the same with the family. God makes the decisions. 

- "The most extraordinary is an ordinary man and an ordinary woman with their ordinary children." G. K. Chesterton 

- Paster Jenkins, from Glenarden Maryland gave a powerful talk on Psalm 127. He explained that God will build are houses and guard are cities on the condition that we embrace are children and raise them unto Him. He explained that parents today are not doing this. They are having kids, but not raising them. He said that our culture today has rejected children, between abortion, abuse, and neglect. How can we expect God to build are homes and guard our cities if we are not going to raise children unto Him? In verse 4 in Psalm 127 children are likened to an arrow of a solider. A skilled solider can conquer anything with his arrow in the right place. As righteous parents raise children, they will be a force for good and influence. 

- Warren Cole Smith, author of Restoring All Things, gave three suggestions for promoting the traditional family. I loved all the suggestions! They were 

     - 1). be known for what you stand for rather than what you stand against

- 2). recover art of storytelling (share your experiences with others)

- 3). remember and serve victims of self exploitation 

- We were able to hear from Clay Olsen, founder of Fight the New Drug, and Tim Ballard, founder of Operation Underground Railroad. They talked about sexual exploitation. Their stories and organizations are amazing. I learned so much from them. They are amazing individuals who are fearless and live true to their beliefs. 

I am beyond grateful for the opportunity I had to attend the World Congress of Families. I know that the most important part of attending the conference will be what I will do with what I learned. I'm excited to research these topics further and do what I can to stand for the family. 

When I think of my own experience of dating this picture quickly comes to mind.

:) it makes me chuckle every time. If you've gathered that my dating experience has been limitless to non existent you'd be spot on. Imagine my interest when I learned that the discussions in my family relations class this week would be on dating and preparing for marriage. Growing up in a family oriented church, I've participated in countless lessons and discussions about dating. Don't date before you are 16, write a list of qualities you want in those you date, go on group dates, the list could go on. I am grateful for all of the lessons I have had on the subject, they have helped me see the importance of who I date and when I date, however today I learned an aspect of dating that I hadn't thought much of before. The quality of the date. 

A typical date should consist of three factors:

planned for

paid for

paired off 

 What about these factors determines the quality of a date? The purpose of dating is to get to know different individuals, have fun, and to eventually find a spouse. If this is the purpose of dating, then the quality of the dates should help decide the quality of the marriage. If this is so then these P factors have a very significant meaning.

In the Family Proclamation we learn the roles of being a husband and wife. "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families."

Did you notice the 3 Ps in that statement?

preside

provide

protect

At the end of class on Tuesday my professor asked the class to ponder on all six Ps together. I had never heard such a connection before, it intrigued me! I must say I pondered on it a lot. We discussed it further in class today. We came up with this correlation. 

planned for - preside

paid for - provide

paired off - protect

Does that blow your mind like it did mine? Now go back and look at list with the word quality in mind. Is your mind blown again? I know mine was! Many people think this way of dating is old fashioned, but after pondering it, I know that it's inspired! 

Planned for - Preside: One of my biggest fears in my family of creation is that my husband will not preside over our home and family. I have often pondered on what I could look for in a guy while dating that would help me know that he would righteously preside over our family. When a guy plans out a date does it not demonstrate similar characteristics to presiding over a family. To plan a good date the guy would have to know what is important to the girl. Does she like the outdoors, what's her favorite movie, etc. To preside effectively over a family the husband needs to know what is important to his wife. Does she value family prayer, scripture study, etc. To plan an effective date he'd have to plan ahead, and take initiative. Does a presider not take the initiative in a home?  

Paid for - Provide: I think this one speaks for itself. If a guy can't willingly pay for the date, how can you expect him to willingly work to provide for you and your children. I also think it's important to note the expense of the date. It doesn't have to break the bank to have fun, just as in providing for a family, you don't have to have everything to be happy. All you need is each other.

Paired off - Protect: I really liked our class discussion on this topic. If you're watching a movie that is inappropriate and he does not turn it off, how can you expect him to turn it off when he's by himself? Does he protect you? Does he protect himself in honor of you? 

I am really fascinated by the correlation between these three factors. To me they are huge in intentionally preparing for a family of creation. Many would say that this is outdated, and that dating is to have fun. I agree, dating is fun, but if I can't take dating seriously, how can I take marriage seriously? If there is anything I've learned over the course of my short 21 years of life it's that your circumstances don't change who you are. If you want something to change, you yourself have to change, not your circumstances. 

Now I've realized that I just spent a great deal talking about the man's responsibility in dating, I don't want to forget the important responsibility that I have. In the Family Proclamation it states that "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." Nurture is defined as: the process of caring for and encouraging the growth or development of someone or something. This is my responsibility when dating. I think its a beautiful thing to nurture someone; to build them up and help them achieve their goals. When dating it's important that I show appreciation to the guy for his efforts in creating a quality date. I want to get to know him, what he values, fears, and desires, and then do my best to help him live his values, overcome his fears, and accomplish his goals. Is this not what a successful marriage is all about? Helping each other improve and grow? When I think of a nurturing woman I think of Proverbs 31:10-31. This has always been my goal as a wife and mother. Should I not be this woman now? If I'm not this way now, I wont be when I'm a wife and mother.

I am so grateful for the things I learned in my family relations class this week. Every week I learn how I can intentionally prepare for my family of creation. It's very very important to me. I know that strong families are needed in today's world. It is my hope that my experiences now will help me be a faithful wife and mother and create a righteous family with a husband who presides, provides, and protects.

How did the week go by so fast? Here I am again writing another blog post. This week has got to be the most informative and influential learning curve yet. In my family relations class we talked about gender roles, same-sex attraction, and transgenderism. In sharing what I gained from this class my hope is not to offend, but rather to share what I learned and let you govern your own decisions regarding these important topics. 

To prepare for the discussion on same-sex attraction, I watched this video. The information comes from Family Watch International. The video discusses childhood factors individuals experiencing same-sex attraction had in common. The factors discussed were bullying, pornography, growing up without a father, and abuse.

In learning this I felt immense compassion for those who struggle with same gender attraction. I wished these individuals could have received help when they were bullied by peers, or had a dad to look up to, or someone to talk to after being a victim of abuse.

I know that these are "potential" factors, just because a child is bullied in his youth does not directly correlate to their sexuality preferences, however I feel it's important to note that these factors are a common theme for those with SSA.

When reflecting on what I learned this week I had the thought come to me, by the supreme court redefining marriage to include homosexuality they are allowing these harmful factors to continue. How sad is that? Bullying is wrong. Pornography is wrong. Children need healthy father figures. Abuse is wrong.

I believe that marriage is between a man and woman. This is God's way. I know that many have the weakness or temptation of same gender attraction just as many struggle with drugs, depression, or anorexia. I have compassion for anyone striving to overcome their natural self and align their life in accordance with God's teachings. I do not however support the action of intentionally acting upon temptations.

I am so grateful for Jesus Christ. I know that it is through Him that we can overcome any temptation, trial, and weakness.

I want my children to grow up in a stable, wholesome family. I want them to have a father who presides, provides, and protects them. I want them to have a holy mother who smiles, cries, and prays over them. I want my children to know that Jesus Christ is their Savior and that through him they can overcome any trial, weakness, and temptation they face. 

(Creating a Righteous Family}

Each week I attend two lectures for my family relations class. Along with that I have about 2-4 hours of homework a week associated with the class, including a blog entry. I usually do the post Saturday night, not because I procrastinate, (okay maybe I do a little) but because it takes awhile for my thoughts to be organized and focused on what to write about. This week it was especially hard to narrow down what I wanted to blog about. We talked a lot about culture and traditions. My professor posed two questions: How does culture effect family? How does family effect culture? With those questions in mind we read a journal article about the effects of immigration on illegal hispanic families (I loved this because it was from a family systems perspective rather than recent political perspectives), as well as researching several different videos, and talks related to culture. There was so much to learn and ponder on! Throughout the week I had several different ideas come to mind for a blog post. On Thursday my professor ended with saying that he hoped one of the outcomes we'd take from what we've been learning is to make choices regarding the family with clear intentions. I found that really interesting and intriguing. I looked up the word intention and it means an aim or plan. In other words my professor wants us to take what we've learned and apply it to our own family choices and create a healthy family.

We all come from a family of origin, yet we each produce a family of creation. I love that! We all grow up in families, yet we all have different experiences, traditions, and cultural backgrounds. We take all of this with us, along with the love of our life (who also has their own set of experiences, traditions, and cultural background) and create a family all our own. Isn't that beautiful!

My whole life I've been praying, and pondering my future family of creation. Wondering who the man will be that I create this family with, as well as the children we create. Where will we live? What will our family culture be like? How will my husband support us? How will we raise are kids? What will we believe in? All of these questions will be created. My professor helped me understand this week that I want to create all of these things with intention. Meaning that I don't want them to just happen, but rather I want to aim and plan for them. I know I can't plan for everything, sometimes things just happen; however, I want to aim for a successful, forever family. I feel that the culture I live in will not be near as important as the family culture my husband and I will create. I want our family culture to be one that lets our children know that they are loved beyond the sands of the sea, that we believe in them, and that God believes in them.

I know to create my family culture with intention I have to be preparing now. It can't start once I'm married, or have kids, but it has to start now. I'm a big fan of habits. If I'm not living the type of life now that I want for my family of creation, then I have things to fix. Needless to say if the habit isn't established now, it sure wont be in the future. In conclusion I want to share this talk. I love this talk! It has helped prepare me to create my future family culture with pure and righteous intention.

My Family has been anywhere but in the same place the last two years. Here's a recap to make your brain hurt.

October 2013 my twin sister and I left on missions

December 2013 my brother and sister in law graduated from university and moved across the country

April 2014 we welcomed the first nephew into the family

May 2014 my other brother left on a mission 

Fastforward to September 2015:

my sister and I are attending universities in different states

my brother and sister in law now have 2 boys

my brother is still on his mission

my parents are running the ranch back home

To say we are scattered around the world is pretty accurate. This past summer I was able to visit my brother and his family. While there I made an interesting connection. Before I share the connection we need to back up for a second. Have you ever heard of unspoken family rules? The actions of your family that go unspoken, yet y'all know what is going on. An example in my family is this: my mom does the grocery shopping. My dad trusts my mom's judgement, and he doesn't want anything to do with going into a grocery store. The prices stress him out! It's an unspoken rule in my family. If someone were to ask my dad to buy the groceries for a week all us kids would laugh out loud. It just wouldn't happen. Another unspoken rule in my family is this: my dad proposes his opinion on a decision to be made and my mom readily agrees. They are a good team, my dad inquires of my mom before a decision is made, my mom states her opinion, and readily agrees and supports my dad's judgement. That's how it's always been. Dinner conversations usually involve my dad explaining the next decision on the ranch and my mom smiles, gives her opinion, and readily agrees.

Now here's the connection I made while visiting my brother and sister in law. They have the same unspoken rule. My brother will explain a decision that needs to be made, his wife states her opinion and readily agrees to his decision. It's like rewinding my parents to newlyweds. It's almost scary how similar it is. I learned something from this. Unspoken family rules effect generations. This makes them extremely important. 

In making this realization I've pondered the rules in my family I want to carry over into my future family.

photo sources: left and right