Protect the Nestlings

I remember it vividly, it was Christmas eve, it was late in the morning. Mom was upstairs cooking, the Christmas lights were on, all 4 kids (two preteen, and two teenagers) sat on the downstairs couches waiting somewhat patiently for the technician to install our early Christmas present: satellite tv. Oh we were ecstatic! No longer would we have to make the trek to grandma's house (a short walk) to watch our favorite shows. The time had come. The boys would finally get their NBA, and the girls would finally get unlimited access to the disney channel. After what seemed like hours, the technician placed the remote in my dad's hand.

 We cheerfully called for mom to come downstairs so we could watch the first show as a family. What was the show? Tim Allen's classic Home Improvement series. Oh we laughed and laughed. For a short time we all sat as one big happy family, that quickly faded however once the show was over. All 4 kids had waited eagerly for the chance to watch "their" show. With only one tv screen that was impossible. That tv would prove the anger that can overcome a family, that is if we choose to let it. Oh how my siblings and I fought over that tv! 

"It's game 7 of the NBA finals! I HAVE to watch it!"

"No way, there's a new episode of Hannah Montana on!"

"Go watch it at grandma's, this is more important!"

(screaming loudly) "MOM!!! We called the tv at dinner and now the boys wont let us have it."

Yes that tv caused serious contention and anger in my family. After briefly discussing anger in my family relations class this week I have felt impressed to study it further. I found this talk by Lynn G. Robbins that has helped me understand anger and the contention it can cause. He begins by saying something I find profound, 

"We learn in the proclamation on the family that “the family is central to the Creator’s plan” and that “husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other” and a “sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness” The family is also Satan’s primary target. He is waging war on the family. One of his schemes is the subtle and cunning way he has of sneaking behind enemy lines and entering our very homes and lives. He damages and often destroys families within the walls of their own homes. His strategy is to stir up anger between family members."

How many of us have heard these common phrases:

"He made me mad"

“I lost my temper”

“But I can’t help myself”

The talk goes on to explain that many individuals feel anger is uncontrollable, Elder Robbins makes it clear that anger is not an uncontrollable emotion, but rather a choice that we make. He states:

"This is a myth that must be debunked. No one makes us mad. Others don’t make us angry. There is no force involved. Becoming angry is a conscious choice, a decision; therefore, we can make the choice not to become angry. We choose!"

How incredible is that! I know it is hard to overcome the habit of expressing frustration through anger. It takes discipline. Ever notice how it is easier to become angry with our families versus friends, coworkers, or bosses?

Gordon B. Hinckley and Thomas S. Monson have asked the question, “Why is it that the ones we love most become so frequently the targets of our harsh words?" 

I know that in any family unit, whether it be nuclear, or blended, the emotion of anger has the capacity to destroy relationships and homes. This is the hope of the adversary. Understanding the source of anger will inspire wholesome communication in the home. As I have thought of times in my family life where love has been apparent and anger dispelled one persons presence has always been felt: the Holy Ghost. I feel that is why satan is trying his hardest to stir up contention in the home, for if the spirit is not there he has greater influence on those who reside there. 

In the Book of Mormon, Jesus Christ gives the following counsel: 

"For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

 Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away." (3 Nephi 11:29-30). 

When I am a wife and mother I will have the sacred obligation to nurture my children. My husband will have the sacred obligation of being the protector of our children. With these obligations entrusted to us we will have to discuss on how we will eliminate contention and anger in our home. 

One thing I want to be sure of is that our home is a place where the Holy Ghost can reside. In order to feel his presence in our home, we will have to establish habits that will invite him into our home. These include, family prayer, family scripture study, respect, and wholesome media. I know that the home is the place where parents can teach their children correct principles and practices. When anger surfaces in our home, I hope my husband and I will take it as an opportunity to teach our children how to communicate when they are frustrated. 

Though I do not have a home or family of my own, I can make my college apartment a place where the spirit can reside. I can also work on not becoming angry with those around me. In order to protect my future "nestlings" I need to first protect myself.